Have you ever wondered how on-screen sex scenes are scripted and filmed? Our talk with the intimacy co-ordinator Ita O’Brien for this week’s Real Sex Education podcast shed some fascinating light on this. Before 2017 the majority of sex scenes were evidently improvised. It doesn’t take much imagination to realise that this could –  and did – lead to some awkwardness and abusive behaviour, both on set and at auditions and screen tests. Now there is an expectation, supported by the actors’ union Equity, that producers will recognise that scenes with nudity  or even remotely sexual content may not just have potential for discomfort, mistakes and abuse, but may also trigger content for everyone present, not just the actors. With the advice of colleagues, and having taught the subject for many years, Ita has produced Intimacy on Set Guidelines which should always be consulted. Where productions can afford it, intimacy co-ordinators like Ita choreograph and rehearse sex scenes so that nothing is left to chance.

Choreographing sex scenes is taken incredibly seriously, with consideration for the actors’ personal triggers and preferences and always using professional language and exquisitely precise planning. For me, the knowledge that, finally, care is being taken to protect the actors and crew is a huge relief. Much of the time, sex scenes have seemed gratuitous, and in recent years I’ve found I can’t help wondering what went on behind the scenes and whether the actors were okay with this. It made me feel complicit, and even distracted me from the action.

Knowing that so much effort has been made is reassuring. Moreover, much recent sexual content now seems more realistic and more relevant. The BBC 3/Screen Ireland series Normal People, based on the novel by Sally Rooney, has some stunning scenes of lovemaking between the two main characters, Marianne and Connell, played by young actors Daisy Edgar-Jones and Paul Mescal.  Ita’s background in movement and dance is powerfully evident here. But not only are the scenes beautiful and touching but they have been praised for their portrayal of consent, which is actually what intimacy co-ordination is all about. As Ita explained, what someone is okay with at the beginning of a day’s shooting may not be what they’re prepared to do by the end. It’s important that the actors’ continuing comfort with the scenes should be prioritised so that any discomfort is recognised, they can decline moves they’ve previously agreed and/or performed, and they can take a break.

Accountability
Ita is acutely aware of broadcasters’ accountability to viewers, so sets out to reflect responsibility and provide information via the scenes, albeit in an entertaining way. One of her first projects as an intimacy co-ordinator was the Netflix series, Sex Education, where many of the actors are young and potentially vulnerable – as are the show’s viewers. As so many young people effectively receive their sex education through pornography, Ita was concerned that what was portrayed in the show shouldn’t compromise its educational value.

Perhaps the series with the greatest potential to disturb is Michaela Cole’s I May Destroy You, which contains scenes of non-consensual sex and violence. For these, Ita works with stunt arrangers and believes special care is necessary while filming to be aware of the content’s impact on everyone. Sometimes both actors and crew who think they’re okay are unexpectedly triggered and may need support or time out. It’s particularly important too for the actors to be aware of the boundaries between their own lives and the material they’re filming, so Ita ensures they have processes for self-care and de-roling at the end of the day. Therapists often go through a similar process of content removal between clients’ sessions and after working to avoid carrying around other people’s pain and grief. It’s also helpful to us to be aware of ways our own lives resonate with, and differ from, our clients’ so that we know when our own stuff has been activated.

Ita’s approach is not just relevant for therapists, however. The meticulous planning and attention to detail, combined with a willingness to flex, could be valuable for all of us, especially where relationships are concerned. Many of us pay insufficient attention to consent in particular and are also often insistent that we need to be spontaneous rather than plan. However, it’s only possible to be spontaneous when you have a plan to deviate from. Where sex and intimacy are concerned, for instance, most of us would benefit from more consideration of when sex is possible. Too often, partners push one another away because approaches are too unexpected or made at the most inconvenient times. Similarly, though we wouldn’t want sex to be choreographed, it’s nonetheless helpful to be open and honest about what you want sexually and what you don’t, bearing in mind that this may change from day to day and even within a lovemaking session.